I worked with radiation for 20 years. I was extremely cautious about it. I always prided myself of doing cases with minimal amount of radiation – my total record was 25 seconds for entire case. I wore two leaded skirts when I was doing cases when I was pregnant and the only reason I have stopped was when new fellows came in and they did not know how to get their foot off the x-ray pedal. And here are am today when I meet my oncologist #1 who casually drops that most likely I will need it and there are studies…. And once again I am totally deflated after visiting him. I did not count on radiation therapy. I’ve made plans! I’ve bought my IKON passes for the next year!! I was counting on having the second surgery in November and being on the slopes in January! I was always afraid of radiation. Why? He said there are studies… There are always studies. I want to tug and pull my hair out but I don’t have enough to do so. Every single step of the way when I hope NOT to have to do something I still have to. And every step is more pain, more fatigue, more of everything. Every time I am thrown off my horse it is more and more difficult to get back in the saddle. The mounting block is still solid but it would be fair to say I have bloody calluses and griping the pommel is painful.
I started reading on radiation which I have not done before because I simply assumed it was very unlikely. And as always the World Wide Web sucks you in like fisherman’s net and then you feel suffocating in the avalanche of information. One article leads to another and here I am looking at survival rates. Link after link, article after article and all I can see that TNBC is the deadliest of breast cancers and most difficult to treat. It brings me back to my first visit to oncologist #2 when he greeted me with “Tell me how did you get such a bad cancer?”
The I look up the other set of numbers and here were go, number from the NIH: The probability of surviving to 80 and remaining nondisabled is lower than the overall probability of surviving to 80, according to the National Institutes of Health. For example, a 65-year-old man has a 26% chance of surviving to 80 and being nondisabled until death, while a woman has an 18% chance, according to the National Institutes of Health.
I should have known as a cardiologist, survival rates is a strange thing. A lot of my patients with advanced heart disease do NOT have 5-year survival and yet it is perceived differently compared with cancer. So maybe I should not focus on survival numbers.
Back to radiation. There are several articles I think are worth attention and I am putting them into References section. I am also lucky to have radiation-oncologist to consult with. And I also have enough time to adjust to the idea and not to float in the pink clouds of hopes that surgery will be the end of it.
In the meantime, I have NOT taken any meds after my tooth was pulled out yesterday and together with my wonderful nurse practitioner we saw 28 patients today before I had to run out for my oncology appointment. All I am left to do is 5000 steps and sauna. I am also trying European Hawthorne berries today and I will be able to compare them to Chinese Hawthorne. Still impending doom of radiation dominates my brain. 15 pounds of lead day in and day out. I never went into the case without a badge. And.. whatever for? Every cell in my body is screaming in protest. Just because I really feel down today I am putting one of my favorite comfort foods recipes (it is NOT healthy or meant for cancer patients but one biscuit once in a blue moon is not going to kill anyone). It can be found in Recipes section.