We are celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow evening. It is a start of the New Year in Judaism. We reflect on the year past and just like any Jewish Holiday we eat and then we pray. However, this time of the year the prayer is very special – we ask for forgiveness of all our transgressions and we hope to be inscribed in the Book of Life. There are 3 important deeds so to speak between the time we are written into the book of life and the time that decree is sealed – teshuvah, tzedakah and tefillah. Hence to everyone I have wronged, did not pay due attention or neglected being absorbed selfishly in my own problems – please forgive me. I will strive to be better next year and I will use the time I am taking off to reflect and pray and search my meaning in life since it does look for now that I have been spared.
Jewish tradition is filled with symbolism. The photo (borrowed from Aish) depicts symbolic foods eaten on Rosh Hashanah. Each food is associated with the prayer that invariably starts with “May it be your will…” and we ask for a lot of things, namely – to be in the head, not in the tail, multiply like fish in the sea, have as many merits as seeds in the pomegranate, have our enemies destroyed, have only good decree, and have a sweet year. My wish for everyone is to be inscribed in the Book of Life and to be inscribed well. May it be God’s wlll for it to be so.
These are the foods and what they symbolize:
- Dates – A wish to triumph over our internal enemies
- Pomegranates – A wish to celebrate doing good for others
- Black-eyed Peas – A wish for successful spiritual growth
- Leeks – A wish to embrace a better way of living
- Beets – A wish for happiness
- Squash – A wish to avoid hard times
- Carrot – A wish for physical and spiritual abundance
- Fish – A with for productivity
- Head – A wish for leadership and positive action
- Apple and Honey- A wish to appreciate the sweet blessings in our lives
My symbolic foods are ready to go on the table. Traditionally, I don’t work the day before. My mom and I cook. Our house fills with spells of spices, Challah that is freshly baked and I designate my kids to decorate the room.
I find it a bit difficult to prepare for the Holiday this year. I felt great a month after surgery and was somewhat lost – when I had to have chemo there was a clear goal and I was going for it. Right now the goal is vague – I am cancer free and I would like to be in this state for the rest of my life. So there are no real deadlines which makes it harder for someone like me to operate. Do you have a plan, Mr. Fogg? (Julius Verne “Around the World in 80 days). It is more difficult to make a plan when the timeline and the goal is not as clear. Besides, I believe that Keytruda is getting to me. I can barely swallow today, my tongue hurts and …. And my lips swelled. I can see what would happen should I ever decide to pump my lips. I don’t like it one bit. Not how I look, not how they feel and not how I feel overall. I feel sick. Had I not felt the same way a week or so ago I would be nervous and run to buy more COVID tests. But I think the following side effects of Keytruda are mine to “enjoy” – glossitis, mucositis, pharyngitis, muscle ache, fatigue, uveitis, dysphagia, cough and god knows what in the labs. I am trying t find out how much incremental benefit is there for extending it for more than a year. And I am not sure there is one. Likewise I am not sure I can tolerate more of it. I can pray. I was actually planning t warp up all the treatments by the end of the year with surgery being a culminating event. And a small surgery before it – I need to have my port removed. And another skin biopsy. Life is never dull for me. I am trying to study for boards and my ears are full of ACC recommendations on various cardiac issues (I also found out that getting chemotherapy is an enhancer of cardiac risk overall – Yei, that’s exactly what I was lacking in my string of health issues!). When I say my ears are full it is because I am using headphones and they are full, both figuratively and literally.
Despite all discomforts of my current state I am entering the New Year. Let us eat, pray, forgive each other, do good deeds and hope for the better. Actually let us hope for the best for ourselves, our loved ones, our friends and neighbors, our country, Israel and the world. Shana Tova!