This painting depicts trash like – Jewish custom of casting one’s sins. Between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur in attempt to soften God’s decree besides repentance, reflection, and good deeds we cast our sins in the body of water in hopes that they will be forgiven. Every year we get four bags with bread crumbs and go on the bridge across LA River to throw the crumbs in the water. I feel I would like to cast away all the bad things that happened this year and hope that symbolic bread crumbs will float away and be eaten by the fish (hopefully there is fish in LA River). I read the prayer and finish with Amen and hope.
Strangely enough I feel worse now with my blood counts and iron being much improved than I felt 2 months ago. I am tired from lack of sleep and from constant pain in my throat. Eating has become a chore. Sleep has become an unattainable dream. Weekend came and went and my biggest achievement is completion of the biggest chapter in board review course. Well I did take my daughter and her friend to Tate McRae concert. Dozens of teenagers were walking to the Forum and they seemed to be clones of one another – high black boots, leather shorts and tank tops. This time I deliberately chose not to attend myself – I prefer Starbucks nearby to reverberating sounds rolling in my chest and screaming fans. Maybe I am getting old but I prefer my musical entertainment to have a tune and performer to have at least modicum of voice. Maybe it is a combination of age and general irritation.
I have tried to create an herbal mouthwash and found 7/10 ingredients rummaging my garage. Let’s see if it works. Then I will be happy to share the recipe. Mixing it I do feel in my element – creating magic by putting herbs together.
Chicago trip is coming up but I feel so exhausted that I am no longer excited. Sometimes I think if I have run out steam. Shall I say there is a lot on my plate? I imagine myself being a waiter carrying a gigantic tray with plates and hoping nothing spills over….
The day of Atonement is coming up and this time I feel getting into fasting will be easy – I will be right in my own element – there were so many fasting days this past year.
My Keytruda is on hold because of mucosal inflammation and I am not sure if I will be able to resume. I seriously hope I won’t have painful mouth with burnt tasteless tongue forever. And I thought I was off the hook. Freedom is always so close and yet so unattainable.