I inherited Alzheimer’s gene. I was also afraid to develop the disease and used to say when it happens and I will get a common infection of any kind don’t give me antibiotics. I will go into sepsis and die quietly. When I got breast cancer I could leave my Alzheimer’s fears behind. It looks I’ve got some time to live now and lately I have been noticing that I struggle to find the right word and I am forgetting words. Doubts and fears keep invading my brain again. What if it is early Alzheimer’s? Or is it chemotherapy brain? Or is it damage from anesthesia? I am sure I will pass MMSE and MOCA (mental status assessment tests) but this knowledge does not bring comfort. With so much happening in 2025 I cannot find it in me to get serious neuropsychological testing. So besides worrying about my faculties I start scrambling for anything and everything that can help my brain. I go back to Lumosity (that’s the game on the photo), I try to cram more sleep in my day, I adjust my supplements. Does anybody know where they sell some spare brain cells? I would buy a few dozen. I fear dementia more than I feared cancer. It remains to be seen what is going to kill me first.
In the meantime time to surgery is getting shorter and shorter. My remaining working days are getting longer and longer. My secretaries work the schedule as if it can stretch. In reality it is becoming more and more grueling. It is so intense that by the end of the day I can barely make a coherent sentence. Extra patients smile to me from the chair in the exam room even though I have specifically asked not to add anyone. I am tired and frustrated. I juggle my car that was hit yesterday, my financial aid application at school, my renewals at DMV, DEA, my surgery and the moods of my kid. Many would say that is normal for every parent. And they are right. It’s just on the day like today it feels that battery is draining faster than I can recharge it. And any car would not drive when the battery is drained. Would anyone believe that I view my surgery as a blessing so that I will not go to work for some time and will not have to wake up at 5 AM but rather at 7. That would be awesome. (Provided I can sleep being limited to sleeping on my back again)
Other than that I did see the owl and a rabbit so good omens are here.