As my surgery is getting closer and closer I am preparing. Simultaneously we are doing a lot of other changes in the house. Mainly decluttering. And it is difficult. I am going through my things and through my papers. I have postcards from patients who are no longer with us. I cannot throw them out especially if it they convey much more then generic New Year’s or Birthday greetings. The image of today’s post is my son’s drawing of me and my daughter when she was a newborn in the comic rabbit style. It is nostalgic and I am also keeping it. As for nostalgia – so many ways. I went back to work when my daughter was 4 weeks old. (At 2 weeks mark I had to take boards). At first I was fitting patients skipping one feeding and then those times started stretching and stretching and stretching. I was tired and I could fall asleep in the playpen with her crawling all over me. I could fall asleep holding her with the crib being just a step away. It was so sweet to hold my baby and inhale her fresh baby scent. Those times are so long gone!
I gave my mom several mugs full with pens and markers. It was my collection of pens from pharmaceutical reps times. Some of them were more than 25 years old (from the nineties, so I guess gen Z would regard them vintage). In old times reps had “goodies”. Mostly pens and post-its but also some crazy fun stuff like viagra pen that would slowly unfold doubling in length by clicking a button. I asked my mom to through everything that was not working and to do it ruthlesslessly. Well, vintage works! 95% of the pens are quite functional. Lot of Norvascs, Lipitors, Carduras. Blood thinners used for stents and so much more. When I was in residency there were monthly pharmaceutical fairs where the goodies were given and given generously they were! It was later that strict accountability laws were put in place and branded pens disappeared. As if a pen would entice me to prescribe more Lipitor!
I had a preop telephone consultation with my plastic surgeon’s physician assistant. They want me on 3 antibiotics for three weeks. There won’t be enough probiotics in the world to replace my normal flora afterwards and maybe all what’s be left from me would be my expanders! I did not argue but I am still thinking if I go for all three. Second come pain meds. A lot of them. I did not argue and tomorrow I will get 4 scripts from Walgreens. I will be like my patients with lots of meds, zombied, brain fogged, grumpy, cranky etc, etc. The thing is I have never been incapacitated and physically helpless in my entire life and I really don’t know how to do it. I cannot imagine idling away for a few weeks. I also firmly believe that 1/2 of the pain is our perception of it. So we’ll see I guess.
In the meantime not a week goes by without one of my patients getting cancer. And I can’t fight with every oncologist in the world over steroids that are not needed, supplements that are really safe, and patients not getting the best of care. It pains me to no end but I feel like Do Quixote fighting the windmills.
I had to change my EHR password again. I have already used I will be well soon and I will be well again so I opted for On the way to recovery. I feel I should really get better ain 90 days for it would be hard to come up with another password of sorts.
And the year started its second half. Tomorrow Shabbat is still as late and then the days are going to get shorter…. Life goes on.
power or reflection is more than palpable