This night has finally come. The night before surgery. I am writing it at midnight and probably should have dated the post 07/07/25 but I am still not finished with the day. I often thought what do people think and do the night before? What had great commanders thought about before going into major battles like Waterloo, like Borodin, the last battle of Spartacus uprising? What have those set to have a meeting at dawn thought about the night before? Have they written to their loved ones? Have they gone to brothels and enjoyed themselves? I sent the usual daily letter to my daughter where I have reaffirmed that I love her and my son more than anyone or anything else in my life and the two of them are the best thing that ever happened to me.
Overall I am overwhelmed with outpouring of support. Over the last 3 days there were so many wishes, prayers, calls and texts. The magnitude of love is enormous. I feel it is my shield. And just like Harry Potter before the battle of Hogwarts I am surrounded by the shield of love and I am sure it will carry me through surgery. It is a strange feeling to be walking in the morning and watching people walking their dogs, teaching kids to ride a bike, carrying groceries from the farmers market and all this time thinking – I am not like them. I am having surgery tomorrow that will change me forever. It sounds a bit too dramatic doesn’t it? DD jokes seems to bounce off of me (I am pretty happy with just a B cup). The only joke that really hit home was that for 5.5 hours tomorrow I will sleep. Will that allow me to catch up? I’ll know in the evening.
I am the product of Soviet upbringing. It was not enough to be good. One was always expected to go above and beyond and outdo your own achievements. So I walked extra today and I swam 50 laps. The latter was more like to squeeze every last drop of joy of water. And I carried out bag after bag of trash – so many that neither black nor blue bin are closing anymore and I have a few extra bags sitting next to the bins. I did not accomplish everything I was planning to today but a fair amount was done nevertheless.
Oh, and a few words about the picture. This is dragon fruit flower. It blooms only for one night. Ours was waiting to give me that gift of an awesome beautiful flower on the night before surgery. I ran and grabbed by camera, climbed the bench and made my brother provide extra light. And voila! It decided to open up just for me! For that I am also grateful.
I know that everything should be fine. Just in case: to all my friends, acquaintances, well-wishers, colleagues and my family. My love for you is immeasurable and ever present. I will come to you if you need me just say a word. What you have all shown in the last 7 months and all your support, kindness and compassion made these last 7 months not only bearable but livable, productive, and full of love. I thank you all that you tolerate me despite my stubbornness, my rough edges, and often brusque manner. I may not always say it in so many words but I care. Thank you all -you make my days, you are there for me when the gloom wants to claw at me and overpower me. I have you all in order to never let it happen. Only good days ahead!